Posts by Tim Noble and Sue Webster

05/17/2013

Valerie June – Rollin’ and Tumblin’

Polly Harvey took me see to see Valerie June last night at Dingwalls in Camden. She’s brand new and outrageous…every song sounds like a HIT! We took this chance while we could, to stand right in front of her in the sweaty dive…Next time we will see her – she’ll fill the O2 Arena.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UMQgJzFHjo

02/23/2013

Kraftwerk, Tate Modern – Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Despite being in the artworld and a massive music fan – I couldn’t use any of my art street cred for love nor money in order to get a ticket for Kraftwerk’s sell out series of eight albums over eight nights at the Tate Modern Turbine Hall.

My studio manager Andrew and I both went on line at 7.30 am on the morning of December 12th 2012 in order to buy tickets , just like everybody else – but the system failed and since then I never heard of a single person I knew who either had, or knew someone who had, tickets – where did they go?

…on Ebay we later discovered – selling in the region of up to £400.00 for some nights, collection in person only it said, I even contemplated this at one point – but collection in Edinburgh? the price of the return train fare plus over inflated ticket, I like Kraftwerk… but not that much…

So it got to the last but one night out of the eight shows – my friend Hanna Hanra and I were discussing what we would do in the same situation if it were David Bowie instead of Kraftwerk – “I couldn’t live with myself”, I told her, “I’d have to go to The Tate during the day and then hide in the toilets until I heard the opening intro to “Heroes…”

And so I went to the rehearsal…

The following conversation is between myself and Hanna via text message on the night of Tuesday, 12 February –

Hanna Hanra: So what are you dong next week? Do you want to come and listen to the new Bowie Album with me?

Sue Webster: I can’t talk now, I’m hiding in the Tate toilets.

HH: AKA Amazing!

SW: I can’t come out until nine o’clock when the band come onstage – what happens if they lock the door and I’m stuck all night?

HH: Can you come out before nine when the audience arrives?

SW: I have a small packet of peanuts to keep me going…

HH: So are you still alive?

SW: Only two more hours to go, The peanuts have nearly all gone…

HH: Oh-ho – are you alone? will you write a review of the show for The Beat?

SW: A review from inside The Loo… am I on an Assignment?

HH: Yes, Like a spy.

SW: OK, I’m coming out now as I can hear they are letting people in…

HH: !!!

SW: It’s filling up, but they are only using half the hall – which is a bit disappointing, when I saw PJ Harvey here ten years ago – she filled it…

HH: Because she’s amazing...

SW: Well – this is my assignment – I am on my first plastic glass of wine, there is a secret bar behind the stage especially for secret agents – we also been given 3-D glasses and a cushion – everyone is accepting the cushion and sitting crossed legged on the floor, except me – I am skulking around in the dusty corners, it seems wrong to be sitting at a gig, although this is very much an ‘art-going-Guardian-reading crowd’ there ain’t gonna be no spitting here…

SW: I have just spotted two people I know, Andrew Wheatley from The Cabinet Gallery and Daniel Miller, Head of Mute Records…

HH: Good.

SW: It’s filling up, everyone is tied to their cushion – I am on my second glass of plastic wine, and there are children in the audience – which is not very encouraging...

HH: Nearly stage time, think of them all backstage.

SW: They have no feelings, they are Robots. A man with green hair is holding hands with his tiny son who walks around the highly polished concrete floor in his bare feet – there is no sign of danger here. The floor is sloped so you can’t fail but see the stage from every angle. I only hope the cheap plastic wine kicks in to turn the three-dimensions into a fourth…

SW: I have just seen someone I thought was Dave Dorrell – but it was Jonathan Woss.

HH: Bwiliiant (this is my favourite review, I’m enjoying each installment).

SW: I am your eyes and ears – people are wearing their 3-D glasses, whatever...

SW: OMG! in true Germanic style… they have arrived on stage at nine prompt… everyone is wearing their goggles and the show only works in three-dimensions. Musical notes are flying into the audience and our protagonists are plying the keyboards (or are they?) in front of the screen, lit up in what looks like Pam Hogg body suits… like Spiderman or something from the film TRON – and it begins to remind me of my first ever acid trip, as I lay on the grounds of Victoria Park – Leicester, in an attempt to join all the lay lines together – like dot-to-dot…

HH: Amazing!!

SW: Listen, it isn’t anywhere near as good as my first acid experience, as that was something I couldn’t really escape from, but the second I remove my cardboard 3-D glasses, I’m back in The Tate. It’s really easy to push to the front as no-one’s looking…

HH: Are you all sat down?

SW: All stood up, I am on the front row in full-on 3-D goggles, they are playing AUTOBAHN and the 3-D movie looks like a Julian Opie artwerk… or the other way round!

SW: Sieg Heil!

HH: Fucking Hell.

SW: No matter how close you are to the stage, you want to reach out and touch it – it’s good, it’s really fucking good…

HH: Is it the best 3-D ever?

SW: They are the musical version of Gilbert & George.

HH: I’ve always thought that.

HH: Are they just doing albums start to finish or are they playing hits?

SW: Lots of hits, it only works in 3-D – everyone seems to be off their heads, it’s either the cheap wine or the pair of cheap 3-D glasses I’m wearing, but it’s fuckingbeautiful.

HH: Oh God, so amazing, was it incredible?

SW: What? more incredible than Nick Cave at Her Majesty’s Theatre last Sunday night?

HH: Nick Cave was also in 3-D.

SW: It was a well hyped gig – it’s in all the papers and everyone’s talking about it, so of course if you are a music fan, you would be curious to see Kraftwerk perform in the Tate Modern – it’s a unique experience – they don’t move a lot on stage so they have to rely on the 3-D film for entertainment – but of course Nick Cave is a different kind of Beast!

02/21/2013

Pam Hogg Fashion Show

I’m on the Front Row at Pam Hogg’s fashion show at The Free Masons’s Hall, Saturday February 16th 2013

It’s Ballet…

…verses Bondage

Japanese Stylee…

Red Lucy

The Fanny Shot

Tippy Toes

Le Finale!

Douglas Hart and The Only Ones!

Judy Blame and Dave Baby

“Can somebody please release me?” – Pam stuck behind the Free Mason’s Bars

01/28/2013

18.01.2012. India, Day 14 – Street Noize

I shall not miss the noise, the constant horn blowing due to the big trucks having zero visibility, and there are no mirrors on the Tuk Tuk’s and Rickshaws, so to hear a horn means there is someone coming up behind you – all the time!…

01/28/2013

17.01.2012. India, Day 13 – Delhi Belli

Tim and I have both caught a dose of ‘Delhi Belly’ – well it wouldn’t be the full Indian experience otherwise. I think I picked mine up when I had a cup of street coffee at the side of the Ganges in Varanasi – my life did flash before my eyes as I was taking each gulp… I took it back to Delhi and finally managed to shake it off in Agra – mine only lasted 48 hours, thank God… the best cure I felt is to eat nothing for 24 hours in order to make sure your stomach has completely emptied before gradually introducing food slowly, first with smoothies and then with soup. Tim’s method is to keep relentlessly blasting his stomach with the hottest and spiciest curry’s in existence… we have been eating separate things ever since, like the two airline co-pilots in Airplane – needless to say, for all his brave efforts – Tim still has his…

01/27/2013

16.01.2012. India, Day 12 – The Holy Tree, Cow, Goat and Coconut

…we’ve seen the Holy Cow, The Holy Tree and the Holy Goat, even the coconut is deemed Holy as God has given it a smiley face upon it’s hairy shell, it allows them to sacrifice Coconuts in the Amber Fort instead of Goats so as not to put off the tourists…